Navigating the Holidays: A Compassionate Guide for Trans Folks and Their Allies

The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time for transgender folks.

While many look forward to festive celebrations, trans people often face unique stressors ranging from misgendering and deadnaming to invasive questions and assumptions. This guide aims to provide support and strategies for both trans individuals visiting home and allies who wish to create a more inclusive and affirming holiday for their loved ones.

For Trans Folks Visiting Home

• Center Yourself: Remember that your identity is valid and important, regardless of others' ability to understand or validate it. Your sense of self remains true, even in unsupportive environments.
• Set Clear Boundaries: Establish firm limits on conversations and interactions. For instance, avoid engaging in debates where your thoughts aren't valued or heard. This protects your emotional well-being and sets expectations for respectful communication.
• Seek Out Allies: Identify supportive individuals and spend most of your time with them. If possible, communicate your needs to these allies, letting them know how they can best support you during potentially stressful situations
• Avoid Overextending Yourself: Remember, you're not responsible for representing the entire trans community. You don't need to engage in the arguments your family wants to discuss. Prioritize self-care and your own well-being.
• Plan Post-Holiday Support: Arrange to connect with your chosen family after the holidays. This provides something positive to look forward to and ensures you'll have a supportive environment to decompress and reground yourself.

For Allies Supporting Trans Loved Ones

• Respect Names and Pronouns: Use the correct name and pronouns for your trans family member, even if you knew them before their transition. Practice beforehand to ensure you can do this fluently and naturally!
• Ask About Intervention Preferences: Check with your trans family member about their preferences for handling misgendering or deadnaming incidents. Some may appreciate your intervention, while others might prefer to address these situations themselves.
• Avoid Invasive Questions: Don't ask about medical aspects of transition, such as surgeries or hormones, unless the person brings it up themselves. These are personal matters and should be treated as such.
• Educate Yourself: If you want to be supportive but feel unsure, take the initiative to learn. Listen to trans creators online, do research, and approach the topic with curiosity and openness. Remember, it's better to make an effort than to do nothing out of fear or discomfort!
• Maintain a Positive Environment: If you have reservations about supporting the trans community, it's best to avoid bringing up the topic during family gatherings. Focus on maintaining a peaceful and respectful atmosphere for everyone.
• See the Whole Person: Remember that your trans family member is still the same person, even if they express themselves differently now. Every human deserves respect, regardless of their gender identity or expression.

Remember, the holidays are meant to be a time of love and joy, and everyone deserves to experience that. Whether you're a trans person navigating family dynamics or an ally seeking to provide support, your efforts to foster understanding and acceptance can make a significant difference in making the season brighter for all. 

Blog cover image taken by Meg from Unsplash.